StuffyWorld Update: International Intrigue

News Flash! The writer of this blog got a COVID-19 test today because she ran a fever this past weekend. No actual COVIDy symptoms - except for the headache you get when you have a fever. BUT better safe than exposing all your friends and relatives to a deadly virus, right? Enough about that!

Things have been beyond exciting in Stuffy World and Toy Land.  Since we are largely confined to socializing with each other, the granddaughter has become obsessed with gossip. "Gossip!:" she demands. "I need gossip." 

She wants to know about the secret life of our small squooshy friends.

Missy Miss and Jasper in happier days.

Romantic gossip first. Jasper and Missy Miss had a HUGE fight over pizza toppings. No seriously. Jasper Acorn, the squirrel, is vegan. Missy Miss, aka Charlotte Amalia the Chimpanzee, is vegetarian, mostly, but she LOVES pepperoni. So, she wanted to splurge and get half vegan and half pepperoni and dairy cheese.  Jasper got very upset to think animal products may have touched his vegan slice. I think he overreacted but he is passionate about animal rights.

So, they are kaput - for now. More later.

Adventure gossip: Hoobert Heever the Beaver - one of the oldest stuffies (but not the OLDEST by a long shot) decided to get into the International StuffyWorld Book of Records (ISWBR) by traveling around the world faster than any other stuffy.

The judges at ISWBR Publishing insisted that Hoobert visit three landmarks in each country he visited. In London, he went to the Tower of London, the London Eye, and, though the Granddaughter was sure he'd visit Buckingham Palace, instead, he went to Trafalgar Square.

Ready to conquer the world. Notice his Pawsport. (I crack myself up.)

He skipped France and flew to Barcelona, Spain, where he visited the cathedral which is STILL under construction. But before he could visit anything else, he was robbed. Everything, but the Euros he kept in a secret pocket, disappeared - his passport, his identification, credit cards, photos, camera, phone - EVERYTHING.

He had enough money to get a driver to take him to the Policia. But their facial recognition software identified Hoobert as being one Toothsome the Terrible, a notorious international jewel thief. (I have ALWAYS wanted to write about a notorious international jewel thief. Bucket list!!!)

They took a tail print and it was identical to the tail print on record at Toothsome the Terrible's proctologist's office. (This was Gramps' contribution to the story.)

However, it turns out that all the beavers made by Hoobert's toy company have identical tail prints. I discovered that after a couple of phone calls. The granddaughter, whose research skills surpass mine by magical proportions, found out that the tracing technology also embedded in the toys was not invented when Hoobert was made so there was no way we could use that technology to prove Hoobert was NOT Toothsome.  What a conundrum!

About this time, Interpol or Interswpol, explained that scars and nicks make identical tail prints not so identical over the years and that's when they visited the proctologist's office.  (See above.)

We are nothing if not superior investigators and we have Gramps' endless thirst for news to help us. He read about a rash of break ins of different doctor offices where certain records appeared to be tampered with - tail prints of beavers, scale prints of armadillos and the tail and bill prints of platypuses. One of those offices was that of HOOBERT'S doctor.Guess whose tail prints were missing. Hmmm?  Do you give up? Hoobert's tail prints had been inserted in Toothsome's file. Capiche?

Ah HA! we both said, and since we were in the swimming pool when we learned about all of this, we did a quick spin and dunk of discovery!

The officers at Interswpol Barcelona were no help at all in getting Hoobert released. So Dulci called Hoobert on the phone in Hoobert's cell block - (her palm computer is the BEST. Mine is too old to access all the secret schedules and info. It was also wrinkled from being in the water.) and they made a plan.

She Superfast Expressed a large empty box to Hoobert. After making sure it was empty, except for packing material, the guards left it in Hoobert's cell. Hoobert removed all the labels and replaced them with labels found hidden in the packing materials. Then he jumped in and waited for meal time, when the guards found the package and posted it to ME!!!!

I'm glad she marked it "Fragile."

Meanwhile, Interswpol found Hoobert's wallet near a train station in Frankfort, Germany, several days later. All official ID was missing but Hoobert's library card was still there. They questioned Hoobert by SW Skype and when he was able to identify all the books checked out on that card, at a time when Toothsome was KNOWN to be in Europe, Interswpol agreed to revise their records on Toothsome and require a new tail print if he was ever captured again. Hmmm, I wonder if they will ask for our help in catching him.

Who knew that our toys have such interesting lives? Dulcinator the Investigator and Nana so Spry, the Private Eye! That's who knew!

PS. Hoobert still plans on traveling around the world.  Someday.