Sunday, March 24, 2013

Goodbye Dad

March 23rd, 2013
Today, finally, we say goodbye to our Dad, Franklin J. Chiles.  Wish me luck that I don't stumble, sob uncontrollably, hiccup, or otherwise mar this solemn day.

March 24th, 2103
Dad right before he is ordained as a deacon in the Catholic Church
I started this post yesterday.  I did just fine at the funeral.  My brothers and sisters who read managed to get through their readings with hardly a hint of a sob.  My older brother wrote and delivered a moving eulogy.  There were more clergy, including the Bishop, all decked out in gold and red vestments, than I have ever seen gathered in one place.

And the follow-up luncheon went well.

By late afternoon, we all needed naps.

Today is another story.  I was fine until my teeth started to hurt.  And, suddenly, I felt very, very, very sorry for myself.  Very, very, very, very... So I turned my hand of Hand and Foot over to my Mom.  (Who can concentrate on cards with a toothache?)  And I started home.  I called Hub for a ride and when he picked me up -  I dissolved.  It was a me-sized puddle of pitiful, pain induced tears that crawled into bed.  I am not as devastated as all that wailing implies.  Sometimes weariness, stress, and pain induce a huge physical need in me to howl.    It's like a dam breaking.

My teeth still hurt.  I am still sad.  But I don't feel so very, very sorry for myself.  I had my Dad for a good long time.  He loved me all my life and that love is with me still.  I'm a lucky woman.

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