Cry Baby

I was a cry-baby.   I owned my crying-ness until I turned 9.  That year I made a brave attempt to stop sniffling every time my feelings or any part of my person was hurt or frightened or angry.     My attempts resulted in a stupendous wail of pent up tears after an almost fight with a bully in the school yard.  I did not cry when I was scolded by Mother Superior.  I did not cry facing down the boy who taunted a school mate and tried to play connect-the-dots with her freckles.  I did not cry until almost an hour later when the hot angry tears erupted in a wail that sounded like a fire engine in our quiet classroom.  My teacher, who was not present at the "fight" or the scolding had no idea what happened.

By college, I decided I was someone who cried easily and that it was all right to be that person.  But years of not crying when I wanted to had confused my "weirdness" radar.  Like a lot of young women, I ended up in positions I did not want to be in because I did not want to make a scene.  Even reclaiming my emotional self did not reset my ability to know when to run.  Heaven forbid, that I hurt someone else's feelings or that I be a "coward" for not wanting to "try something new"! 

My granddaughter likes to cry when she's afraid or something hurts or she gets mad or feels sad.  She likes to cry.  She knows it.  And she is not apologetic.  It can be wearing for her parents and other family members.  She is so good at it, so heartbroken.  Those tears fall and, alas, we rush to comfort her.

In this world of trying to respect other people's rights to be who they are AND of wondering how to teach all children, but especially girls, that they have the right to their feelings, how do we help a child  learn when to cry and when not to cry? (Whew!  Long sentence!)  And is this something we  need to teach?


Humans continue to amaze and confound me.  The way we adapt to society's expectations is not always good.  Books help.

Off the top of my head, I can't think of any books to tell children that crying is okay - even for little things.  I can't think of books that help children calm themselves down.  As my opening story shows, bottling strong emotions didn't work for me.  I find a private place to cry when the urge is too strong. 

However, there are LOTS of books that help children understand what is going on when they are confused, frightened, angry, sad or overwhelmed.

Some websites are great for booklists.  Check this one out.

Brightly's Books to Handle All Kinds of Uncomfortable Emotions.  

I hope these books will help you and your children become comfortable with your feelings and learn how to use them to help the world.

Smooch and a hug to you all.